C.C. shares her heartbreak and nightmare

Liking Suzaku is not really a choice right now. Loving him is the only choice....

CC knows she will remain friends with Suzaku forever.  She also knows he will NEVER be with C.C. EVER again!  Lelouch told her "He is probably tired of you, C.C., You are old stuff to him, boring and used goods now.  Your not good for each other".  The royal family agrees, Lelouch expains "they would hate to see him back with you and for you be together ever again".  "It is not a good match...too much pain, misery and both of them become different people"

 .........Suzaku wants CC to find a new guy, definitely not Lelouch, certainly not Rivalz, he is too old and too dangerous.......... in fact he has almost offered to help her find a new prince.  Offering Rolo to her........

At this point, C.C. doesn't  know whay he would be interested in who she picks.  It is a little awkward and weird.....Oddly, Lelouch, hasn't mentioned anything about her selection or finding someone new.  She silently holds in her words, prays a lot,  and hides her continued affections for Lelouch.

CC is doing her best with Bismarck, but it is nearly possible!!  CC is damaged goods just like Lelouch says.   Sazuku has ruined C.C.! pretty much.  And between Lelouch &; Suzaku.....she just can't move on without heavy baggage from these two relationships.    One look at CC closely tells any new guy, Bismarck included,  that this is not going to be good , she is spiritually wounded, physically scarred, and emotionally destroyed..and still very much in love with one of these men...dispite it.   It is a heartbreak love story with an never-ending nightmare attached.

C.C. is left thinking she is the never-ending fool for loving these two....Loving them both differently, but loving them.    However,  C.C. is  the one that must live with this plight forever. This explains why she wanders to the garden so frequently to find peace and rest, seeking recharge and time with Lelouch.  *Shaking head* regretting  the warnings and caustions of Arisu, Rivalz, Rolo, Anya, Princess Euphimia and Kallen too.    *Buried face in hands* CC. cannot count how many friends she has lost over it, forfieted new friends and  how many relationships were ruined by being loyal to Lelouch and Suzaku.........

If only Lelouch would come back to her. All things being considered, it would solve so much of this.  Lelouch is so strong and would deal with all of this for C.C.  .........She hopes.....and holds on to the fact that time is nearing.  One more full moon.........and then she is free.